|BACK TO SCRIPTS||
A big show with great parts for both men and women including a part for a child with a cheeky attitude. Loads of special effects and slapstick, this is a show you can really get your teeth into.
SCENE 1(Part of Scene Only)
OUTSIDE FITZWARRENS SHOP
Curtain up on a busy street. MR FITZWARRENS shop stands at rear of stage whilst stalls stand stage left and right, a stool sits stage left. LONDONERS mingle about looking at goods on stalls whilst ALICE moves about selling goods, JACK is lying on one stall rear right asleep.
SONG 1 Lively chorus number involving LONDONERS.
Song finishes, LONDONERS go back to what they were doing before. MR FITZWARREN enters from the shop.
FITZWARREN: (singing) Oh what a beautiful morning
LONDONERS: Weve finished.
FITZWARREN: What? Oh rats, well why didnt anybody tell me? I was so looking forward to a good sing along this morning.
LONDONER 1: No offence Mr Fitzwarren but youve got an awful singing voice.
FITZWARREN: Nonsense, people have been known to travel miles just because Im singing.
LONDONER 2: Yeah, in the opposite direction.
FITZWARREN: Ive never been so insulted in all my life.
LONDONER 1: Thats your own fault, you dont get out enough.
FITZWARREN: I wont stand here and be insulted.
LONDONER 2 picks up stool and puts it next to FITZWARREN.
LONDONER 1: Well sit down then, youll be more comfortable.
FITZWARREN: Thats it, Im not talking to you lot anymore. (notices AUDIENCE) Oh hello, I wasnt aware we were having visitors. Well Ill try talking to all of you, hopefully you will have a little more respect for a prominent business man like me, not like this lot. Allow me to introduce myself, my names Mr Alderman Fitzwarren. (points to shop) Thats my shop, where I sell everything the common man could possibly want and be allowed to have by his wife, and all at last years prices.
LONDONER 2: Thats right, and they were too expensive then too.
FITZWARREN: Ignore them, theyre always moaning about something, youd think this was the east end of London.
ALICE moves to FITZWARREN.
ALICE: Hello father.
FITWARREN: Hello dear. This is my daughter Alice Fitzwarren, I dont know what Id do without her, shes so hardworking and dedicated and perhaps in thirty or forty years time shell meet someone that I consider suitable and marry him.
ALICE: Er, shouldnt that be someone I find suitable and wont I be a little old in thirty or forty years time?
FITZWARREN: (laughs) Oh you do make me laugh sometimes dear, this isnt modern day you know this is the past, youll do as youre told. Now, wheres Jack?
ALICE: Where do you think?
ALICE points to JACK. FITWARREN goes to JACK.
FITZWARREN: (shouting) Wake up you lazy oaf!
JACK stirs but doesnt wake.
ALICE: Im afraid youll have to shout louder than that father, Jack can sleep through anything. Perhaps we could get all the boys and girls to help?
FITWARREN: Good idea, if theyre just going to sit there they might as well make themselves useful.
ALICE: (to AUDIENCE) Right then boys and girls, heres what we want you to do. Every time we say, wake up Jack, its time to get up, we want you to wake him up by making a sound like a alarm clock just like this Bbrrrring!
FITZWARREN: Have alarm clocks been invented yet?
ALICE: Obviously not or I wouldnt be getting them to do it. (to AUDIENCE) Right then , lets have a practice. Wake up Jack, its time to get up!
ALICE looks at JACK.
ALICE: Im afraid that wasnt loud enough, lets try again. Wake up Jack, its time to get up!
JACK wakes up with a start and falls off behind stall. JACK stands up looking confused.
JACK: Cinders, it fits!
ALICE: What were you dreaming about?
JACK: Dreaming? Me? Never.
FITZWARREN: Jack, sleeping on the job again I see.
JACK: Me Mr Fitzwarren? Never Mr Fitzwarren. You can count on me Mr Fitzwar
JACK trails off, closes his eyes and snores loudly.
ALICE: Wake up Jack, its time to get up!
JACK wakes with a start.
JACK: What? What? Im up, wheres the fire?
FITZWARREN: Now Jack, Im fed up with this laziness of yours, its time you bucked your ideas up. There are plenty of other young people out there who would gladly do your job and they would probably do it an awful lot better than you do. Im going back inside the shop now and when I come back I want to see that all of these stalls have been tidied up or youll be looking for work elsewhere. (turns to go) And Alice, no helping.
FITZWARREN exits to shop. LONDONERS begin to exit.
JACK: Dont worry Mr Fitzwarren, I wont let you dow
JACK begins to fall asleep again, ALICE shakes him awake.
ALICE: Jack! (JACK becomes alert) You heard what father said, youve got to keep awake or hell fire you.
JACK: Hes always saying that, hell never fire me.
ALICE: I think hes serious this time. Please Jack, youre my best friend, I dont want to lose you.
JACK: (bashfully) Youre my best friend too, Alice.
ALICE: Then do what father says for me then. Ill see you later.
ALICE exits to shop.
JACK: Cor, Im her best friend, she said she didnt want to lose me, thats just so cool. (notices AUDIENCE) Hi kids, welcome to London, the greatest city in all the world, if you dont include the better ones that is. My names Jack, many people call me Idle Jack because of a condition I have. You see I have an illness thats got three major symptoms. One, I keep falling asleep, two, I suffer from forgetfulness, and three er, Ive forgotten. That girl I was just talking to, that was Alice Fitzwarren, I love her, shes the most beautiful girl in all the world, if you dont include the better ones that is. I want to marry her one day, the thing is I dont think her father would like it very much, he doesnt think Im good enough for his daughter, or any other man for that matter. But one day Im going to change all that, one day Im going to be Lord Mayor of London and Mr Fitzwarren will have to respect me and then Ill marry Alice
JACK trails off, closes eyes and snores loudly. ALICE enters from shop.
ALICE: Wake up Jack, its time to get up.
JACK wakes with a start, ALICE exits to shop.
JACK: What? Who? When? Oh, thanks boys and girls, just keep doing that and hopefully Ill keep awake long enough to keep my job. Now, what was it that Mr Fitzwarren wanted me to do? Oh yes, tidy the stalls.
JACK goes to stalls and begins tidying them up. DOTTY DUMPLING enters left, shes carrying basket with wand in it.
DOTTY: Good morning, Jack.
JACK: Morning Dotty.
DOTTY: Are my eyes deceiving me or are you actually working?
JACK: Its Mr Fitzwarren, he said if I didnt do some work hed fire me.
DOTTY: Oh, hes in one of those moods, is he? Id better keep my head down then or hell be after me next. Just you make sure you keep awake or youll be in real trouble.
JACK: Alice got all the boys and girls to help.
DOTTY: All the who and what? (notices AUDIENCE) Oh hello, I wish Id known we were having company, I would have got my faced waxed. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Dotty Dumpling and Im Mr Ftzwarrens cook. Well, thats my official title, I seem to end up doing most of the work around here, what with the Boy Worthless sleeping on the job all the time.
JACK: I heard that.
DOTTY: Dont you have work to do? (JACK goes back to tidying stalls) Mr Fitzwarren isnt too bad to work for, though he doesnt pay very much. Still I cant complain, Ive got a roof over my head and I dont go hungry, which is more than most people can say. You see London hasnt had a Lord Mayor for many years, not since the old one died, and the whole city has been going to the dogs ever since. Well, I say going to the dogs but I really mean the rats, theyre everywhere nowadays, and theyre getting more and more vicious. Mr Fitzwarren does more trade in rat poison than he does in anything else, not that the poison does much good, these rats seem to be a lot cleverer than your normal variety. But without a Lord Mayor what are we to do, anyone who might have taken on the roll has mysteriously disappeared, there are rumours that the rats got them, and to make matters worse, the Fairy Justice who normally chooses our Lord Mayor has disappeared too. Speaking of Fairy Justice, Jack look what I found.