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GRUESOME enters left.


GRUESOME:Well, well what do we have here

†††††††††††††††††††††††††† Children sitting in sight

†††††††††††††††††††††††††† But soon my little ones have no fear

†††††††††††††††††††††††††† Youíll be sitting in fright.

††††††††††††††††††††††††††† My master, the Storm King will come

††††††††††††††††††††††††††† To claim his beautiful bride

††††††††††††††††††††††††††† She canít escape, sheís nowhere to run

††††††††††††††††††††††††††† And what is more sheís nowhere to hide.


FAIRY NUFF enters right.


NUFF:Gruesome, I might have known

†††††††††††††† It would be you making all of the noise

†††††††††††††† I will defeat you, if I must alone

†††††††††††††† And what is more with grace and poise.


GRUESOME:Youíre no match for me, little bug

††††††††††††††††††††††††††† My master will crush you soon


NUFF:Your master will be beaten and your ugly mug

†††††††††††††† And the world will feel the boon.

†††††††††††††† I will summon a hero, brave and true

†††††††††††††† To aid me in my quest

†††††††††††††† He will help me beat down you

†††††††††††††† A fate that is surely best.


GRUESOME:A hero to beat me!

†††††††††††††††††††††††††† I laugh in your pitiful face


NUFF:He will win through, just you see

††††††††††††† And lay your plans to waste.


GRUESOME exits left laughing evilly.


††††††††††† ††Soon, a hero I must choose

††††††††††††† To thwart Gruesomeís evil plan

††††††††††††† We have to win, we cannot lose

††††††††††††† Where will I find such a man?

††††††††††††† The first one to call my name

††††††††††††† Just call out Fairy Nuff

††††††††††††† Heíll be the hero, the Storm Kingís bane

††††††††††††† I just hope itíll be enough.


FAIRY NUFF exits right.
















Curtain up on a bright, colourful village marketplace.Stalls decorate stage and villagers bustle about whilst merchants try to sell them their wares.A bank with a door stands downstage left.


SONG 1 Lively chorus number performed by VILLAGERS and MERCHANTS.


SIMPLE SIMON enters right.


SIMON:Good morning, everybody.


VILLAGERS:Good morning, Simon.


VILLAGER 1:Do a trick, Simon.


VILLAGER 2:Tell us a joke.


VILLAGER 3:Sing us a song.


SIMON:Iím afraid Iím too busy to entertain you all this morning, Iíve got far more important things to do.


VILLAGER 1:Such as?


SIMON:Such as buying Princess Lilly a birthday present.


MERCHANTS suddenly become very interested.


MERCHANT:Well weíve got plenty of goods here, what would you like?


SIMON goes over to MERCHANTíS stall.


SIMON:That depends, what have you got that doesnít cost any money?




SIMON:Iíll take three.Can you gift wrap them?(MERCHANT slams a big ďSORRY, WEíRE CLOSEDĒ sign on his stall)Iíll take that as a no then.(notices audience)Well hello, what do we have here?Visitors by the looks of it.Hello, kids, my nameís Simple Simon, entertainer to the court of His Majesty, King Philip.The problem is, Iím in a bit of a pickle at the moment, itís his daughterís birthday today and I havenít got her a present yet and as I havenít got any money I donít know what Iím going to do.(has a sudden thought)Here, I know what, instead of buying her something I can write something for her, it is what Iím best at after all.Now the first thing Iíve got to do is work on my entrance.Every good entertainer needs a grand entrance.I know, you could all help me out.Every time I come on Iíll shout out ďHeís so funny, heís so fine,Ē and then you all shout back, ďitís time to laugh, itís Simon timeĒ.Will you do that?




SIMON:Great, letís have a practice, remember itís ď itís time to laugh, itís Simon timeĒ.(SIMON exits right then runs back on again)Heís so funny, heís so fineÖ


AUDIENCE+CHORUS:Itís time to laugh, itís Simon time!


SIMON:That was rubbish, youíve got to shout louder than that.Remember youíre about to watch Simon, Entertainer Extraordinaire, not (boring adult TV programme).Letís have another go.(SIMON exits right then runs back on again)Heís so funny, heís so fineÖ


AUDIENCE+CHORUS:Itís time to laugh, itís Simon time!


SIMON:That was a little bit better, but I still think you can be louder than that.This time I want you to make more noise than the (local football club) fan clubÖall three of them.(SIMON runs off and runs back on again)Heí so funny, heís so fineÖ


AUDIENCE+CHORUS:Itís time to laugh, itís Simon time!


SIMON:That was great, thatís just what I need for my entrance.Now all Iíve got to do is figure out how Iím going to entertain the princess.I know, Iíll write her a poem.(As SIMON recites poem he moves stage left until he stands next to door downstage left.)


The prettiest princess you ever saw

When you see her youíll go, fwor

We like her so much we want more and more


DAME TROT opens door downstage left into SIMONíS face, she enters and closes door, revealing SIMON looking dazed.


SIMON:I do believe Iíve been hit by a door.


SIMON collapses.


TROT:What are you doing down there, you fool?


SIMON tries to rise.


SIMON:(groggily)PrincessÖpoemÖdoorÖfaceÖboys and girls.


SIMON collapses again.


TROT:Boys and girls?(notices audience)Oh hello, I didnít know we were having visitors.You must all be here for Princess Lillyís birthday party, I heard we were having some foreign dignitaries coming.Anyone here from (local town)?(response)Oh weíll lock up our valuables then.Anyone here from (another local town)?(response)In that case weíll lock up our daughters too.I donít want any more competition than necessary now that Iím pushing thirty.


SIMON rises up a little.


SIMON:From which direction.


CHORUS laugh.


TROT:I thought you were supposed to be unconscious.(SIMON collapses again)Allow me to introduce myself, my nameís Dame Trot and I own a small farm not far from here.I was just visiting the bank manager to see if I could get a loan, (sadly) I need one, you see, Iím very, very poor.(possible reaction from audience)Iím a lot poorer than that, boy and girls.




TROT:Thatís better.Now the bank manager said I couldnít have a loan because I didnít have a big enough asset to cover it.I said, thanks for the compliment, love, but itís not going to pay off my debts is it.Unfortunately my son doesnít help, Jack his name is, heís handsome, brave and as useless as a chocolate teapot.Heís never around when I need him, just like his father, he was useless too.I never got a days work out of him, he was more useful when he died, he made lovely compost.Speaking of useless, (to SIMON) what are you doing down there?


SIMON:Getting up.


SIMON stands up.


TROT:Well shouldnít you be getting ready for Princess Lillyís birthday?


SIMON:I am getting ready, Iím composing a poem especially for her.


TROT:Ooh really, letís hear it then.


SIMON:Iím going to tell you about the princess now

†††††††††††††††† As pretty as a picture but I donít know how

†††††††††††††††† All who see her stop and say wow


(DAISY enters left, but is not seen by TROT or SIMON.)


†††††††††††††††† I would like to say to her, (DAISY knocks SIMON) you stupid cow!


TROT:You stupid cow?You canít say that to the princess.


SIMON:No, that stupid cow.Iím going to go and write my poem in peace.


SIMON exits right.


TROT:(laughing)Well done, Daisy.This is Daisy, boys and girls, she lives with us on our farm.Hello, Daisy, are you alright?(DAISY nods)Isnít Jack with you?(DAISY shakes head)Well where is he, that useless layabout, heís supposed to be looking after you.Probably walking around with his head in the clouds when he should be working as usual.But at least you never let me down.


SONG 2Short-lively number performed by TROT, DAISY and CHILDREN.


Come on, Daisy, letís go and see if we can find Jack and see if we get some work out of him.


TROT and DAISY exit left, followed by CHORUS.JACK enters right cautiously looking around.


JACK:Phew, that was close; I thought sheíd never leave.If mum caught me hanging about sheíd soon get me working on the farm, and itís far too nice a day for farm work.In fact every day is far too nice a day for farm work come to think about it.Itís just so boring working on a farm.I want to be a great hero like in the story books, battling dragons, rescuing fair damsels, finding lost treasure.Just one grand adventure and Iíd be happy, I can then say to the world Iíve had my adventure, fair enoughÖ


FAIRY NUFF enters right.


NUFF:You called?