A swashbuckling adventure involving cut-throat pirates, heroic sailors and wild savages. Some great slapstick scenes for the kids and hilarious humour for the grownups.

Curtain up on busy harbour scene, a raised quay stands across rear of stage with steps in the centre and a ship, the HMS Endeavour, can be seen beyond it, either a built one or painted on a backdrop. Buildings stand to left and right barrels, crates, sacks and other stuff you could expect to see on a dockside decorate stage.

SONG 1 Lively chorus number sung by TOWNSPEOPLE and SAILORS.

SALLY enters on quay, right and comes to top of steps.

SALLY: Ahoy there me hearties!

CHORUS: Ahoy there, Sally!

SALLY comes down steps and moves forward.

SALLY: Everyone shipshape and Bristol fashion?


SALLY: Oh marvellous. (notices AUDIENCE) Well bless me barnacles, the place is full of minnows. Ahoy there me hearties, welcome to Bristol Town, greatest port in all the world, apart from the type you get in a bottle. Allow me to introduce myself, Iím Sally, Sally the Sailor, ships cook of the HMS Endeavour. Now I know what youíre all thinking, youíre thinking, ďwhat is this young slip of a girl doing serving food on a Royal Ship-of-the-line?Ē

CHORUS laugh.

SAILOR 1: You, a young slip of a girl?

SAILOR 2: You must be joking.

SAILOR 3: The only ship you should be on is a whaler, after youíve been harpooned.

CHORUS laugh loudly.

SALLY: You cheeky crayfish. (to AUDIENCE) Ignore them, me hearties, theyíre just jealous because Commodore Humphrey Hamilton Ė him thatís in charge of the Endeavour Ė thinks Iím the best cook on all the seven seas. I get to eat at the same table as the Commodore, not whilst heís there, but itís more than this lot gets. Now, would anyone here like to join the British Navy?


SALLY: You donít sound too sure, would you like to join the British Navy?


SALLY: Thatís better. Now the first thing you need to do is learn a bit of sailor humour, so Iím going to teach you a couple of jokes. Now the first joke is this, Iíll come on and shout out ďWhat do you say to a pirate boy who wants to get fit?Ē and you all shout back, ďJoin a gym, ladĒ. Have you got that?


SALLY: Letís have a practice. What do you say to a pirate boy who wants to get fit?

AUDIENCE+CHORUS: Join a gym, lad.

SALLY: Oh well done, me hearties, thatís the first joke, hereís the second joke, Iíll come on and shout out, ďWhatís a pirateís favourite letter?Ē and you shout back ďRĒ! Letís practice that one. Whatís a pirateís favourite letter?


SALLY: Now letís put the two together. What do you say to a pirate boy who wants to get fit?

AUDIENCE+CHORUS: Join a gym, lad.

SALLY: And whatís a pirateís favourite letter?


SALLY: Wonderful, youíre all now sailors in the British Navy, and you thought youíd have to learn about knots and stuff. Itís a good thing youíve joined up today because weíre about to take a voyage and you might have missed us. I donít know where weíre going but the Commodore will be here later to tell us all about it. Rumour has it that itís a very dangerous mission, something to do with pirates.

CHORUS: (fearfully) Pirates?

SALLY: So Iíve heard, but not to worry, if we have stout hearts, hold to our honour and fire our cannons before they do, Iím sure weíll win the day.

SONG 2 Short cheerful number sung by SALLY and CHORUS.

Song finishes, CHORUS exits to wings. ROBINSON enters right.

ROBINSON: Ahoy there, Sally.

SALLY: Ahoy there, Robinson. (to AUDIENCE) This is Robinson Crusoe, boys and girls, he works with me in the galley, thatís a kitchen to you land folk. (to ROBINSON) And how are you today, all shipshape and Bristol fashion?

ROBINSON: Couldnít be better, in fact Iím so happy I could just sing.

SALLY: Youíd better not love, the chorus have only just finished the opening number and theyíve sung a song with me and itís only scene one, itís best not to work them too much, they get confused. But why are you in such a good mood, you havenít been at the rum again have you?

ROBINSON: No, Iíve just got a really good feeling about today. Iíve finally made the decision, today Iím going to pop the question to the Commodore.

SALLY: Are you sure, I donít think youíre his type. Mind you he is in the navy, and you do have nice legs.

ROBINSON: Not that question, I mean Iím going to ask him to make me into a midshipman. Iím fed up with working in the galley, I want to be an officer and then one day a captain of my own ship.

SALLY: I wish you the best of luck, but you know the Commodore, heís very particular about who he has as officers, you have to have the right education and genes.

ROBINSON: Iím not sure about the jeans, I never did look good in denim, but Iím sure I could get someone to give me a proper education.

SALLY: Well until you do youíre still working with me in the galley, and weíll be sailing soon and we havenít bought any supplies yet. (SALLY hands ROBINSON a list) Now this is for you, you get everything on this list, youíll find it all on that side of town, (points left) and Iíll get everything on the other side of town and weíll meet back here later.

ROBINSON: Aye, Sally.

SALLY: And no dawdling, the Commodore will never make you midshipman if you dawdle.

SALLY exits left. As ROBINSON speaks he moves to stage left.

ROBINSON: (looking at list) Look at the length of this list, itís going to take me ages to find all this stuff on my own. I hope I wonít have to work this hard when Iím an officer. (SKULL and BONES enter right carrying FRIDAY in a sack.) Wait a minute, whatís this? Pirates! (ROBINSON crouches behind crate left. SKULL and BONES carry FRIDAY onto the quay, they then make to throw FRIDAY into the water.) What on earth are they up to? It must be no good if itís anything to do with pirates. FRIDAY struggles and says something muffled in his own language.) Thereís someone in there, Iíve got to do something? (Loudly and in posh English accents) I say chaps, look up there on the quay! By Jove, some jolly pirates up to no good! (SKULL and BONES stop what theyíre doing and look around nervously) Call out the marines, huzzah!

SKULL: I ainít staying around for this!

BONES: But the Capín said we had to chuck this dog in the dock.

SKULL: To Davy Jones with the Capín, I ainít staying to fight no marines.

SKULL runs off right, BONES hesitates for a moment.

ROBINSON: Thereís only one left chaps, get the blighter! (BONESí courage fails and he runs off right. ROBINSON stands up laughing) Stupid pirates, theyíll fall for anything. Now to see whoís in that sack.

ROBINSON goes onto quay and opens sack, FRIDAY jumps out ready for a fight.

FRIDAY: Oooka pooka dakka jig!

ROBINSON: I say a foreigner, well not to worry, we Brits know exactly how to communicate with foreigners. (talking loudly and slowly and pointing a lot) My name is Robinson Crusoe, welcome to our country.

FRIDAY: I speak your language, pirate scum, now make your farewells to your family and friends for today you die!

FRIDAY makes some sort of martial art type move.

ROBINSON: Hey, Iím not a pirate, in fact I just rescued you from pirates.

FRIDAY: It is true that I have never before seen your face amongst the crew of One-Eye Jack. (sniffs) And you do not stink of rumÖvery well, I will accept your claim.

Through next speeches ROBINSON and FRIDAY come off quay and move forward.

ROBINSON: Phew, thatís a relief. Just a minute, One-Eye Jack? You mean those pirates were members of his crew?

FRIDAY: Indeed.

ROBINSON: Why were they trying to drown you?

FRIDAY: One-Eye Jack and his crew have plagued my people for many years, stealing our food and our gold, but then came the final insult. They kidnapped the princess of my people and I will not rest until I have rescued her or I have died in the attempt.

ROBINSON: Gosh, you must like her a lot. My nameís Robinson Crusoe.

FRIDAY: (bowing) An honour to meet you Robinson Crusoe, my name is Oonkawallahookpakdo, a warrior of my tribe. You have saved my life this day, now I must stay by your side until I have saved yours.


FRIDAY: Honour demands it.

ROBINSON: Listen OonkawalÖOonÖwallaÖIíll never remember that name. What do your friends call you?

FRIDAY: Oonkawallahookpakdo.


FRIDAY: Oonkawallahookpakdo.

ROBINSON: Wife, girlfriend, life-partner?

FRIDAY: Oonkawallahookpakdo.

ROBINSON: I know, do you have a nickname?


ROBINSON: Great, what is it?

FRIDAY: Dookapakkasakkawakka Oonkawallahookpakdo.

ROBINSON: Thatís worse, Iíll never remember that either. I know, itís tradition in the British Empire that every time we come across something foreign that we donít like we change it. So, Iíll give you a new nickname. Now let me seeÖI know, todayís Friday, so in honour of the day we met Iíll call you Friday.

FRIDAY: Acceptable.

ROBINSON: Great. Now, Friday, are you sure about this whole staying with me until youíve saved my life thing.


ROBINSON: Well in that case, Friday, you can help me with this shopping list, weíve got to sail soon.

FRIDAY: Shopping list? This is not the task of a warrior.

ROBINSON: Maybe not, but if we work hard enough then maybe one day weíll get more honourable task to do.

FRIDAY: Then come, Robinson Crusoe, together, we shop!

ROBINSON and FRIDAY exit right. LADY BRUNELLA and BONNIE enter left. BONNIE immediately goes onto the quay and begins looking at the Endeavour interestedly.

BRUNELLA: Well here we are, Bonnie, I believe thatís the HMS Endeavour, weíll just waitÖ

BONNIE: It is the Endeavour, I recognised it immediately, a forty four gunner, sheís one of the finest ships in the fleetÖ

BRUNELLA: Bonnie, come down from there immediately.

BONNIE: But Mother, itís not every day you get to see a frigate like this.

BRUNELLA: I donít care, you are a high-class lady looking for a husband, you should be interested in clothes and hair, not ships and guns. And how many times have I told you not to use that word in public, high-class ladies looking for husbands do not say ďfrigateĒ. Now come down at once.

BONNIE: But I canít see the poop from down there.

BRUNELLA: Bonnie! (BONNIE reluctantly comes off quay) Why canít you be more like me and less like your father? I know how to behave in company. Now, Commodore Humphrey Hamilton will be arriving soon, and I donít need to tell you how good a husband he will make for you. He comes from a very wealthy seafaring family, and I expect you to be married to him.

BONNIE: But I donít want to marry him, heís old and such a bore.

BRUNELLA: Bonnie, you will marry an officer and gentleman whether you like him or not, and besides, the Commodore comes highly recommended.

BONNIE: But I donít care if heís an officer and a gentleman, I want to marry someone I fall in love with.

BRUNELLA: Tough, now I expect you to be on your best behaviour when the Commodore arrives, a nice lady-like smile and no pouting.

BONNIE: (sadly) Yes, Mother.

BRUNELLA: Thatís better, now Iím going to find someone whoíll take us to our rooms.

BONNIE: Quarters.

BRUNELLA: I beg your pardon?

BONNIE: Theyíre called quarters, not rooms. Can I talk to all the boys and girls whilst youíre gone?

BRUNELLA: If you must, just so long as you donít touch any of them, they donít look very clean.

BRUNELLA exits left.

BONNIE: Hello boys and girls, I feel I must apologise for my Motherís behaviour, she can be a little rude sometimes. Sheís not a bad person really, just a bit snobbish, and sheís obsessed with finding me a proper husband. I would like to get married one day, but to someone that I like, rather than someone that my Mother has chosen for me. And I want someone whoís going to treat me like an equal, like my father used to do. He taught me all about sailing and life in the Navy, I just wish that I could follow in his footsteps.

SONG 3 Lively girlie number sung by BONNIE with possible help from children who enter from wings and then exit after song has finished.

Song finishes BONNIE goes onto quay and studies ship. ROBINSON and FRIDAY enter right carrying packages of food.

ROBINSON: Phew, we made it in time, thanks for your help, Friday.

FRIDAY: An honour, Robinson Crusoe.


ROBINSON: Hello, whoís this? (importantly) Excuse me, madam, civilians arenít allowed up there.

Coming down from quay.

BONNIE: Oh sorry, I was just looking. Do you serve on the Endeavour?

ROBINSON: Oh no, Iím just carrying the food for a friend, Iím an officer of the Endeavour, I donít serve food.

BONNIE: (unsure) Ok. Sheís a fine ship.

ROBINSON: Oh yeah, itís a beauty alright, twin rudders, tinted sails, alloy ships wheel and a kicking sound system.

BONNIE: Ok. So, how many knots will she do?

ROBINSON: Depends on how much rope weíre carrying.

BONNIE: No, I mean how fast is she?

ROBINSON: It depends on which she youíre talking about, most girls I know want commitment.

BONNIE: No, I mean how fast is the Endeavour?

ROBINSON: Faster than it used to be now that weíve got a red stripe painted down the side of the body bit.


ROBINSON: Never been there, I hear itís the source of all evil.

BONNIE: You donít know anything about sailing, do you.

ROBINSON: (ashamed) No.

BONNIE: And youíre not really an officer.

ROBINSON: No, I work in the galley.

BONNIE: Well thatís nothing to be ashamed of, you should be proud to be working in the galley. A ship wouldnít get very far if the sailors didnít have someone to feed them.

ROBINSON: I suppose so, but I want to be a midshipman. I want to experience all the adventure of the high seas, battling pirates, searching for lost treasure, not cooped up in the galley peeling potatoes.

BONNIE: I think you need a little more knowledge about sailing to be a midshipman. But I know what you mean, Iíd love to go to sea and have adventures, but being a girl Iím supposed to dress up pretty and get married to a gentleman.

ROBINSON: How do you know so much about ships?

BONNIE: My father was an Admiral, he taught me everything, much to my Motherís disapproval. If you like I could teach you, that way at least one of us should have a chance of reaching their dream.

ROBINSON: Thanks for the offer, but weíll be sailing soon.

BONNIE: I know, weíre coming with you. The Commodore is taking Mother and I to Jamaica, so weíll be onboard for quite a while.

ROBINSON: In that case I except your offer, thank you. (puts down packages and holds out hand) My nameís Robinson Crusoe.

BONNIE: (shaking hand) Bonnie.

ROBINSON: And this is my friend, Friday.

BONNIE: Hello.

FRIDAY puts down his packages and bows.

FRIDAY: An honour to meet you, Mistress Bonnie.

BONNIE: Heís very polite.

ROBINSON: Heís foreign.

BONNIE: Oh I see.

BRUNELLA enters left.

BRUNELLA: Get away from my daughter at once you ruffians!

BONNIE: Mother, they werenít doing any harm, they were just saying hello.

BRUNELLA: I donít care what they were doing, I will not have a grubby little commoner and some half-naked savage talking to my daughter. Whatís your name boy?

ROBINSON: Robinson Crusoe, I serve on the Endeavour.

BRUNELLA: An officer I hope.

ROBINSON: No, my lady, I work in the galley.

BRUNELLA: The galley?!

BONNIE: Mother, Robinson was being a perfect gentleman.

BRUNELLA: I donít care what he was being, he can be what ever he wants to be, as long as he doesnít be it with my daughter. Now get away from here or Iíll have you put in the shipís prison.


BRUNELLA: Watch your language. (Sound of sailorís whistle. SAILORS enter from wings.) What on earth is going on now?

BONNIE: Theyíre gathering the crew so they can set sail.

SALLY enters left.

SALLY: What do we say to a pirate boy who wants to get fit?

AUDIENCE: Join a gym, lad.

SALLY: And what a pirates favourite letter?



LACKEY: (shouting) All hands, prepare for Commodore Humphrey Hamilton; attention! (SAILORS, ROBINSON, FRIDAY and SALLY get into line and stand to attention. BRUNELLA and BONNIE stand at end of line stage right, BONNIE is next to ROBINSON. COMMODORE enters left.) All hands ready for inspection, Sir!

LACKEY salutes.

COMMODORE: Thank you, Lackey. (COMMODORE begins walking along line inspecting the SAILORS.) Well youíre a fine looking crew, a fine looking crew indeed. (gets to girls) What the devilÖ? Lackey!

LACKEY: (salutes) Sir!

COMMODORE: Thereíre fillies in my crew, you know I canít be having fillies in my crew, it makes the men go all queer. Odd that. Remove them at once!

LACKEY: Sir! All hands prepare to repel fillies!

SAILORS make a grab for girls.

BRUNELLA: Commodore, donít you remember me?

COMMODORE: Canít say that I do. Lackey, do you remember these fillies?

LACKEY: Canít say that I do, Sir.

BRUNELLA: Oh but you must, Commodore, donít you remember, you were to take my daughter and I to Jamaica.

COMMODORE: Jamaica? What the blazes is in Jamaica?

LACKEY: Jamaicans, Sir.

COMMODORE: (laughing) Oh well done, Lackey.

LACKEY: Thank you, Sir.

BRUNELLA: You said you were going to Jamaica because you had a very important mission there.

COMMODORE: Mission? Ah yes, I remember now, and now that you come to mention it you do have a familiar bearing, donít you agree, Lackey?

LACKEY: Yes Sir, now that you come to mention it, Sir, she does have a familiar bearing, Sir.

COMMODORE: You wanted to introduce me to your daughter, itís all coming back now, isnít that right, Lackey.

LACKEY: Yes Sir, itís all coming back now, Sir, clear as crystal, Sir.

COMMODORE: (looking at SALLY) So, this must be your daughter, ah, yes I see the resemblance.

BRUNELLA: No Commodore, (indicating BONNIE) this is my daughter.

COMMODORE: Really? But sheís pretty. Are you sure youíre not thinking of another girl?

BRUNELLA: (outraged) No I most certainly am not!

COMMODORE: (looking at SALLY) Then who the devil is this then?

SALLY: Iím the shipís cook you daft old codfish, Iíve served with you for years.

COMMODORE: Oh yes, I remember you, nice dumplings if I remember rightly. Isnít that right, Lackey?

LACKEY: Yes, Sir, finest dumplings on all the seven seas, Sir.

SALLY: So whatís this very important mission?

COMMODORE: Mission? What mission? Whatís that mad cook talking about, Lackey?

LACKEY: No idea, Sir, the womanís completely off her rocker, Sir.

SALLY: You said that we had a very important mission in Jamaica.

COMMODORE: Did I? (thinks for a moment) Oh yes, so I did, donít you remember, Lackey?

LACKEY: Oh yes, Sir, every word, Sir, very important mission in Jamaica, Sir.

SALLY: So what is it?

COMMODORE: What is what?

SALLY: (losing patience) The mission!

COMMODORE: Oh that, yes terrible affair, it seems as though the dreaded pirate, One-Eye Jack is abroad.

ROBINSON: The dreaded pirate One-Eye Jack is a broad? Shouldnít she be called One-Eye Jacqueline then?


BRUNELLA: What a tiresome young man, come away from him Bonnie.


COMMODORE: As I was saying before I was interrupted, the dreaded pirate One-Eye Jack is aÖis at large in the West Indies, our job is to apprehend the fellow and thenÖ

ROBINSON: ...get the West Outies.


COMMODORE: Öget the West Outies. What?! No! Who said that?

LACKEY: You did, Sir.

COMMODORE: Before me Lackey, who said it before me?

LACKEY: Crusoe, Sir, Robinson Crusoe.

COMMODORE: Crusoe? Bring him forward, Lackey.

LACKEY: Sir! Crusoe, two steps forward! (ROBINSON takes two steps forward) Attention! (ROBINSON stands to attention) Robinson Crusoe standing ready, Sir.

COMMODORE: Thank you, Lackey. Well Crusoe, I donít think Iíve seen you around before, whatís your position?

ROBINSON: Two steps forward, Sir.

COMMODORE: No you fool, whatís your position on the Endeavour?

SALLY: He works with me in the galley, Commodore.

ROBINSON: Hoping to become midshipman, Sir.

COMMODORE: Midshipman? You? Youíre nothing but a common boy. No, itís the galley for you or nothing.

ROBINSON: (disappointed) Yes, Sir.

BONNIE: Never mind Robinson, Iím sure youíll make it one day.

BRUNELLA: Come away from him, Bonnie.

BONNIE: (disappointed) Yes, Mother.

COMMODORE: Now see here crew, One-Eye Jack is a despicable fellow, he and his pirates have been terrorising shipping lanes for years, but now the British Empire has decided that itís time we put a stop to it, so theyíve chosen the finest crew and the finest ship in the British Navy to hunt the scoundrel down and put the blighter behind bars once and for all. So look lively, we sail for Jamaica within the hour!

SONG 4 Big nautical number performed by all.

Site created by:Darren Edwards
©Copyright2005Darren's Scripts
Last updated 21/03/2010.