4F,8M+2For Horse Another different one but still a traditional pantomime. This is a swashbuckling adventure with lots of slapstick including a battle Act 1.
Curtain up on a busy street scene.The Frogs Legs stands to rear of stage right,
tables and chairs sit outside of it.COMMONERS
sit at tables and mingle about.
song and dance number involving COMMOMERS.
Song ends, COMMONERS break
off into groups whilst some return to tables.MIMI
enters from The Frogs Legs.
MIMI:What a beautiful day, a day to cast off ones
troubles and to burst into spontaneous song for no apparent reason whatsoever.(notice AUDIENCE)Oh hello, I didnt know we were having visitors, welcome to the
beautiful city of Paris.Allow me to
introduce myself, my names Mimi and I work over there at the Frogs Legs.Well I work there now, Ill let you into a
little secret, its not my proper job.Im
really a lady-in-waiting to her Royal Highness, Princess Constance, but that horrible
Cardinal Richelieu has taken over the palace and wants to capture the Princess, so
were hiding from him here.You
wont tell anyone where the princess is will you?
MIMI:Oh lovely, I knew I was going to like you lot,
youre clean and friendly looking, you must be foreign.The thing is we dont know many people round these parts, so were
a bit short on friends at the moment, so heres what I want you to do.I want you to say bonjour to me, that means
hello in French.So every time I
come on Ill say Bonjour boys and girls, and I want all of you in your
best French accents to say (French accent) Bonjour Mimi.Will you do that?
MIMI:Oh youre such an agreeable bunch,
youre definitely foreign.Lets
have a practice.(MIMI exits right then
comes back on)Bonjour boys and girls.
MIMI:That was lovely, but I think your French
accents could be better, lets give it another go.(goes off comes back on)Bonjour
boys and girls.
MIMI:Wonderful, you are now all officially French,
and I make no apologies for it.
MIMI:(calling)Im out here, love.(CONSTANCE enters
from Frogs Legs)This is Princess
Constance, boys and girls.
CONSTANCE:Mimi, were supposed to be hiding.
MIMI:Dont worry love, the boys and girls
wont betray you, I spoke to them for about five minutes and I decided we can trust
them.Like I said boys and girls, this is Constance, isnt she
lovely.Ive been lady-in-waiting for her
since she was a tiny baby and now shes grown up into a beautiful young woman.All she needs is a handsome young prince to marry.Have we got any in tonight?(possible reaction from AUDIENCE)I said, is there anyone here who would like to
marry Constance?(reaction)Well there seems to be lots of lovely young men
in tonight, love, perhaps you could try your luck.
CONSTANCE:You know I havent got time for things
like that, Mimi, we have to figure out how we are going rescue mother and father from the
MIMI:Its not going to be easy, the Cardinal
has an army surrounding the palace and another one out looking for you.
CONSTANCE:If only the Musketeers were here, theyd
MIMI:Theyve been disbanded, theyre just
a bunch of drunken layabouts nowadays.The
only fighting they do is in the odd tavern brawl.
CONSTANCE:Then weve got to find a way to motivate
MIMI:Its no good, love, they think it was the
King that disbanded them and so they feel betrayed by the one man they swore to protect,
and the only person who could possibly motivate them to fight for the King again is you,
and what with the Cardinals spies everywhere its too dangerous for you to
CONSTANCE:I know Mimi, its just that I feel so
useless here, I want to do something.
MIMI:I know you do love, but dont worry,
Im sure something will turn up soon enough.Wed
better get back to work or well be chucked out of this place too.
CONSTANCE:You go on, Im due a break, Ill be
MIMI:Alright love, Ill see you later.
MIMI exits to The Frogs
CONSTANCE:Mimis right, something always turns up in
the end to make everything right.I just hope
my parents are okay.Still, if this is where
Im destined to spend the rest of my life, I might as well try to enjoy it.
lively song and dance, CONSTANCE and CHILDREN.
Song finishes, CONSTANCE
exits to The Frogs Legs.A
CARDINALS MAN backs onto stage from left fighting someone with sword, as he backs up
ATHOS enters beating back the CARDINALS MAN.COMMONERS
react by generally getting out of the way and cheering ATHOS on.
ATHOS:Ha, ha, have at thee you varlet!(ATHOS pushes CARDINALS MANS sword
down then punches him in face, knocking him to floor.)Ha, no contest sir!(ATHOS
slaps thigh.Two more of CARDINALS MEN
enter left, swords drawn)Ah ha, I see
youve brought two of your chums, jolly good, the more the merrier.
PORTHOS and ARAMIS enter left
behind CARDINALS MEN.
CARDINALS MEN turn and
PORTHOS and ARAMIS punch them in faces and they fall to floor.PORTHOS and AREMIS slap thighs.
PORTHOS:Be gone with you, you scoundrels!
All three CARDINALS MEN
get up and exit left.COMMONERS cheer, ALL
THREE bow to COMMONERS.
ARAMIS:Well that was jolly fun.
ATHOS:It was until you two turned up, you blighters,
they were mine.
ARAMIS:Dont be greedy Athos, theres plenty
to go around.
PORTHOS:I dont know about you chaps but Ive
worked myself up quite an appetite, whos for breakfast?
ARAMIS:Youre always hungry Porthos, its a
wonder you still fit into your uniform, sir.
PORTHOS:How dare you, sir, I should strike you down
where you stand, sir.
ATHOS:Steady on chaps, we have company.
All three turn to AUDIENCE.
ARAMIS:Well they look like a stand up bunch, despite
the fact theyre sitting down.
PORTHOS:Perhaps we should introduce ourselves.
ATHOS:It would be the polite thing to do.(to AUDIENCE)Hello, allow me to introduce myself, (bowing) I am Athos,
PORTHOS:(bowing)I am Porthos, Musketeer.
ARAMIS:(bowing)And I am Aramis, Musketeer.
ALL THREE:Were Frenchies, dont you know.
ATHOS:Now we know we said that were all
Musketeers but Im afraid thats not strictly true.
PORTHOS:The Musketeers have actually been disbanded.
ARAMIS:The King has decided to get rid of us, for some
reason, and replace us with Cardinal Richelieus men.
PORTHOS:But we do like to keep the spirit of the
ARAMIS:Mainly by beating up the Cardinals men at
every given opportunity.
ALL THREE do comical posh
ATHOS:I have an idea, maybe we could use these chaps
to help us out.
ARAMIS:Theyre a little young for fighting.
ATHOS:We could teach them our battle cry.
ATHOS:(to audience)Okay chaps, heres what we want you to do, every time we draw our
swords and shout All for one, we want all of you to raise your fists and shout
And one for all, as loudly as you can.Will
you do that?
PORTHOS:Lets have a practice.
ALL THREE draw swords and
raise them in air.
ALL THREE:All for one!
AUDIENCE+COMMONERS:And one for all!
ARAMIS:Now that wasnt very good.
ALL THREE sheath swords.
PORTHOS:Musketeers have to shout much louder than that.
ATHOS:Lets give it another go.
ALL THREE:All for one!
AUDIENCE+COMMONERS:And one for all!
PORTHOS:Well I dont know about you two but all
that work has made me feel hungry.
ARAMIS:You were hungry before.
PORTHOS:Well now Im hungrier.
ATHOS:Well I think we should sing a song first.
ARAMIS:Heartily agree with you, old bean.
PORTHOS:Well make it a short one, Im famished.
SONG 3 Short lively
ARAMIS:Well that was smashing.
PORTHOS:Can we eat now?
ATHOS:If we must.(points to Frogs Legs)That
looks like a respectable establishment.
PORTHOS:Very well then.Gentlemen, lets eat!
ALL THREE:Ha, ha!
ALL THREE slap thighs and
exit to Frogs Legs heroically, COMMONERS exit.BUTTERCUP
enters right to music and does a little dance.DARTAGNAN
staggers on right with a saddle on his back.
DARTAGNAN:Buttercup, youre a lovely girl but I
really think that Im supposed to ride you, not the other way around.(takes saddle off his back and drops it to floor
and straighten back painfully)This is
taking political correctness too far.(looks
around)Well here we are Buttercup, the
beautiful city of Paris.Its been a
long journey but we made it, all we have to do now is find the headquarters of the
Musketeers and join up.I wonder which way it
is, there doesnt seem to be anybody about to ask.(CONSTANCE enters from the Frogs Legs and begins clearing tables.)Hello, whos she?If all the women of Paris are as beautiful
as she is then I think Im going to like it here.
ATHOS enters from Frogs
Legs and sits at one of the tables.
ATHOS:You, wench, bring me ale and mutton.
CONSTANCE:Im just clearing tables, sir, when
ATHOS:Stuff the tables, serve me woman!
DARTAGNAN:I say, how rude, not like a Frenchman at all.(steps towards ATHOS)Sir, I demand that you apologise to the lady at
ATHOS:Away with you boy, Ive no time to have
words with the likes of you.
DARTAGNAN:I put it to you sir, that you are the rudest
man I have ever had the misfortune to meet.
CONSTANCE:I dont know who you are but I can look
DARTAGNAN:I am DArtagnan, my lady and I will make
this swine pay for his rudeness.
you were old enough to grow your first beard then I would answer you with my sword!
DARTAGNAN:Dont let my age fool you sir, I am
perfectly capable of facing you in honourable combat, name the time and place.
ATHOS:The old cathedral, .
DARTAGNAN:So be it, sir.
ATHOS exits left.
not fair maiden, at I shall fight for your honour or die trying.
CONSTANCE:(angrily)I dont know who you think you are but I dont need anyone to
fight for my honour!
DARTAGNAN:I was merely
CONSTANCE: looking after the weak little woman, I
know, I noticed.Paris has enough problems
without people like you strutting about staring duels all over the place.
CONSTANCE exits to
Frogs Legs just as PORTHOS is entering from Frogs Legs his arms laden with
food, CONSTANCE barges past him making him drop food onto floor.
PORTHOS:Fool girl, I ought to tan your hide for that,
tan your hide I say!
DARTAGNAN:I wonder sir, at what manner of man threatens a
PORTHOS:A man who has just lost his dinner, not that it
is any of your business, boy!
DARTAGNAN:Well by the look of your belly sir, I believe
she did you a favour, you could do with losing the weight.
PORTHOS:How dare you, sir!I will make you pay on the end of my sword for such
DARTAGNAN:Name the time and place, sir!
PORTHOS:The old cathedral, !
DARTAGNAN:Er, I cant make , how about a quarter
PORTHOS:Very well sir, a quarter past it is!Ha!
PORTHOS exits right.MIMI enters from Frogs Legs.
MIMI:Bonjour boys and girls.
MIMI:Ive come out to see what all the
commotion is about.
DARTAGNAN:Forgive me madam, I believe I may be the cause
MIMI:Oh, well arent you a polite young man,
you must be foreign.
DARTAGNAN:It is true I am not from Paris, madam, I have
only recently arrived and Im looking for a place to stay.
MIMI:Well look no further love, The Frogs Legs
always welcomes polite, young gentlemen such as yourself.
DARTAGNAN:Sounds perfect, though I think I may have
unintentionally offended one of the girls who works here.
MIMI:Oh dont worry about her, shes
always snapping at people nowadays.Ill
send someone out for your horse, love.
MIMI exits to Frogs
DARTAGNAN:Well Buttercup, thats one problem solved,
we have somewhere to stay, all I need to do now is to survive these two duels and find the
Musketeers and then all my dreams will be fulfilled.(ARAMIS
enters from Frogs Legs)Ah,
stableman, its about time, make sure shes well housed and see if you can find
her some oats, theres a good fellow.
ARAMIS:I beg you pardon?
DARTAGNAN:Are you dense man?Look after my horse.
ARAMIS:Your horse?!How dare you, sir!
DARTAGNAN:Its a perfectly reasonable request from
one of your station.
ARAMIS:I wouldnt look afterthe finest
racehorse in the land, I most certainly will not look after this nag.
ARAMIS:Scoundrel?!Can you speak with your sword, sir?!
DARTAGNAN:I can indeed, sir!
ARAMIS:Very well, the old cathedral, noo
DARTAGNAN:Perhaps would be better?
ARAMIS:Very well, half past it is.Ha!
ARAMIS exits right.
three duels in one day, Im going to have to start being more careful or I wont
survive long enough to become a Musketeer.
from Frogs Legs.
CONSTANCE:Ive come to take care of your horse.
DARTAGNAN:Oh, hello again.Look, I would like to apologise about before, I really didnt mean to
offend you, I was just trying to get that man to apologise for his rudeness.Im afraid it kind of spiralled out of
CONSTANCE:Well as long as you dont go around
starting fights all the time, Ive far more important things to do than sew up your
DARTAGNAN:No, after today, I really dont think
Ill be starting any more duels.(muttering)I havent the time.
CONSTANCE:In that case I accept your apology.
me to introduce myself properly, Im DArtagnan.
CONSTANCE:Pleased to meet you, my names Constance.
DARTAGNAN:A beautiful name, for a beautiful lady.
CONSTANCE:Ive heard that one before.(BUTTERCUP nudges CONSTANCE)And whos this?
DARTAGNAN:This is my mighty warhorse, Buttercup.
CONSTANCE:Im very pleased to meet you Buttercup,
though I think Buttercup is a bit of a silly name for a warhorse.
DARTAGNAN:Im afraid I named her when I was little,
but I think she likes it.
CONSTANCE:In that case I like it too.
DARTAGNAN:She can still fight though, cant you
like to see that.
Unnoticed by DARTAGNAN,
BUTTERCUP goes and stands behind him with her back to him.
DARTAGNAN:(importantly)Im afraid that wont be possible, you see battle is a very
dangerous business and even under strictly controlled conditions demonstrations can
be (BUTTERCUP kicks DARTAGNAN in rear)Ow!Buttercup!
CONSTANCE:(laughing)Oh bravo, Buttercup, I think were going to become best friends.(BUTTERCUP goes to CONSTANCE and she
strokes her) So, what brings the two of
you to Paris, DArtagnan?
DARTAGNAN:(rubbing rear)Ive come to join the
CONSTANCE:The Musketeers?Im afraid youre too late, the Musketeers have been disbanded.
CONSTANCE:The Cardinal Richelieu has replaced them with
his own men, theyre led by a man called Rochefort and hold the whole city in a grip
DARTAGNAN:But why would the King allow such a thing to
CONSTANCE:He has no choice.
DARTAGNAN:Are you sure about all of this, you seem
awfully well informed for a serving girl.
CONSTANCE:(tartly)Its common knowledge, everyone in Paris knows about it.
DARTAGNAN:I meant no offence, Constance, its just
that after everything that Ive been taught about the Musketeers I find it hard to
believe that they would just surrender to the Cardinal.
CONSTANCE:I know, all they do nowadays is drink too much
and fight duels.Anyway, Id better get
Buttercup stabled, she looks starving.
BUTTERCUP off right.
DARTAGNAN:This is terrible, the Musketeers disbanded, the
Cardinals men all over Paris, this isnt what I expected.But this is one Frenchman who wont bow to the Cardinal, I dont
care what it takes I will become a Musketeer!
Song finishes, sound of clock
What, already?Curse these duels, theyre cutting into my